leaving for Istanbul

Has been a buuusy week at parants' home. Now they are out at a visit and I am enjoying the calmess and silence of the house at the last night. with BBC on... preparing myself for the intense English usage at the course in Istanbul.


 According to the plans, after breakfast with dad, mom and brother tomorrow morning, I will take the bus to Istanbul. Feeling enthutiatism for the new journey, but also the nervous energy for success and adaptation concerns. I am also happy for doing this. Investing money for my career and personal development.

 Now, I want to talk how that 1 week passed. Living with mom hasn't been easy. I love her to death and grateful for incomparable stuff she done to me and my life. However it was depressing and annoying for me to see that she acts like she knows everything but I know little, objects me when I correct her, even at the matters concerns my personal life: like the amount of my bills, the time of my college graduation etc. I tried arguing. even in front of my cousins and aunt - which was really heartbreaking for her - I tried to express my feelings - she defended herself. Nothing seems to be working so far. I know it is hard to change people. But I have some hope. Someday we will find a way. We cannot go on like this. It is harmful for both of us.


 Happily have seen 3 old girlfriends: Çiğdem, Rüya and Sıla. Went shopping. Converted my money to Euro and Pound. It was somehow degrading to see that loads of my Turkish money only equals to little number of foreign paper money. Applied for a credit card. Not have one right at the moment. Went to my newly wed cousin's house - Hatice. We are at the same age. Went to the dentist and decided to go another dentist to renew the appearance of my teeth.

 I don't have much time and energy to do stuff. I will go to shower, do some face yoga to take off the intensity, prepare my luggage, pray and hopefully sleep well to wake up energic to hit off hard to Istanbul!

back in parents' home

Heyy over there! I had 19 hours of bus travel to my parents' home - Ankara and I have too much sleep. But would feel uncomplete ending the day without writing. The last week was nearly all about marriage and relationships! First, my neighbourhood girls - Tuba, Nazan, Selin and Tulin, and I went to a hotel for the last breakfast of the year. Tuba the only married one of us) Tuba revealed that she was with the baby - unintentionally - and surprisingly - though she was on birth control pills. She is no older than us. At her 24 or 25... Nazan is waiting for her boyfriend to get on a job this summer, Selin just left her boyfriend, Tulin seeminly in a happy relationship of a few months. And I am completely single nearly for a year. My last week at school contained so much warnings and complaints about marriage by a married 32 year old and 2 daughters' mom - music teacher Yelda. She told me that happiness in marriage was about personality and soul. She had that rebellious soul, which she thinks I have! So, I should be very cautious while deciding! Then, other married and single people involved in the conversation and the views varied from negative to positive aspects of marriage and having children. Before the day I left the city,last Thurday, Selin, Tulin, Nazan and I had vodka at Nazan's home while we listened some slow songs. And I cried really hard! Mostly thinking of my last relationship... Thinking over my broken heart, the harsh words I heard... and everything. Girls couldn't say much thing. Selin was like; "What am I supposed to do if you cry?" Then I had a deep sleep going up to my home with accompany of Tulin. Yesterday, seeing Nazan as the last person at neighbourhood, went to the city center meeting Hakan, he took my suitcases and took me to the bus. We hugged and told that we would miss each other since he will go to the army this summer. Then I had a travel of 19 hours, most was with deep thoughts. I had a tough year emotionally. I knew from the beginning that it would be hard. However, I think I stayed strong and positive. And this was the end. Feeling the unconditional love and support of my family, today I started to prospect on future. Spending a week in Ankara, spending time with family, old friends, some necessary shopping, studying English and teaching, I will go to İstanbul for the certificate I want to get. However, It is not just about a certificate. It is about taking a step to forward and above. in the name of happiness, love, beaty of self and the world, success. God bless all.

new endings and expected beginnings

The idea of creating a new blog occured to me a couple of days ago. I just wanted to record the time and reflect on my personal life, and what is going around. Actually, my mother tongue is Turkish, but my instict made me write this entry in English, which doesn't mean it will necessarily go on that way; so here we go...


I am a 24 year old gal who has been teaching and living alone for two years, very faaar away from her homeland city. My second year at this city will be completed next week. Today was also end of something else. One of my best friends in the city, Serap left the city this morning. She has just got married and moved to the city of her very fresh husband. Last night, me and my best boyfriend in the city, Hakan were walking around the city talking about things we went through for the last 2 years. By the way, let me tell you a really interesting thing about Hakan.

 He has a relationship of 7 years, his fiancé is getting her university education in a very far city to us. Hakan was telling that he has been in love with someone else for the last 2 years, but he didn't tell us who it was. Aaaand surprisingly it turned out that it was a guy! A very close guy friend, indeed! That must make him pansexual or something, I guess! He opened his feelings to the guy, which was returned in a very heartbreaking and rude way. In the meantime, Hakan continues his relationship with her girl fiancé. I got uncomfortable by the situation, questioned his personality, and our friendship, but I am still close to him. He has been a good friend anyway. Anyway...


Returning to the yesterday... While I said that I was gloomy about these ends and leavings, walking in the lovely weather with the company of a beloved one, Hakan, he told that he was content, because we lived those 2 years fully. We lived and learned much. While he missed those past days, he wouldn't want to live up them to today. Because he "lost" that feeling and confidence. Today I am contemplating over that subject. I want to end the last week at the city in peace and preperation. (I have been sooo laaazy :( I think now I will pray for freedom, justise and peace of my county (there is a riot in Turkey -which I am supporting to the end- against repressive AKP government.)and of my personal life. And love for all of us... God bless us all!