insects in my head

a moment.. getting excited and ambitious about the future of my job,
the other moment feeling the anxciety of failing at it... and relaxing myself for another moment... never ending cycle...and for the other moment thinking that teaching is not a real, cool, respected job. You'll never be something like a rocket scientist, plane engineer, surgeon... But then... Its all I have, no mater what it is, I like it and I will work through and happy with what I have... And that's the end of the cycle for now.

the thing is I love my work. I like thinking about it. I like being with students. I like books. I like to see that they learn sth from me when they do. But then... Dark thoughts take over... then light ones... After all, I know this is a process. This is getting challanged and growing. And it is ok to grow up. May it bring good results.

I'll let me to go through this process...

feeling down and lazy and addicted

*Got problems with the students.
They complained about me to the administration.
We'll see what will happen at the feedback after the first semester. I'm not very hopeful. I just don't want to have problems with administration.

* Altun's money problems and debts didn't end. He doesn't want financial help from parents. I broke up yesterday. He is too old for me to be patient about money - 36 years old.

* I don't do anything nowadays. Dont have extra job at work. I just sit and search on the internet. Got an internet addiction, sir!

* I am 69 kgs. Actually, I planned to go on a diet last week. But been eating all cakes and pastries at home since then. And dont have any energy to work out, neither.

* I fight with my parents often nowadays. We shout at each other.