5th day in the parents' house without ever going out to meet anyone. just once went dentist for my closed below chin and spared teeth. I have an appoinment like 3 weeks later...
had an argument with papa. They thought I was overreacting. I told that it was acuumulation of everything happened before. I still dealt with the same silly problems I dealt ten years ago. I felt there wasnt any progress in my life. I felt like the most problematic person ever in the world. I felt there was no hope for me. I wanted to erase the past. erase the family... live it all again from the start and wanted to have a healthier background. I got a kind of an attack of nerves. got angy with mom because she was alwaaays passive. never could tell papa to shut up. just told me not to exxaggarate...
Then, we went to the private dentist with mom. I was distracted then. Curing my teeth and chin is something I long for years. And I'm taking an action for that now.
And I was thinking that my mom and dad were unthankful about me, and my accomplishments. Felt that they simple wanted me to get married. It made me feel depressed, too. My friend, Hakan and aunt were agree, too.
The thing is I want to rise my own family, too. I really want to be in love. Want to be loved as much as I do. Want to have a big family. Want to give birth before I am 30. Love doesn't seem to be in any horizon now. Before all that I need to get prepared. Should be close to that person who I dream of. I am a great person. I want to shine. I want to break off that invisible shell. I've been to many challanges, and it should continue even more.
Tomorror I'm going back to Istanbul for just one day for concert with the middle elder brother. Then, I am going to think of what to do this summer. I don't want to spend the rest in Ankara at home. It's killing me.
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